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25 December
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My Favourite Planet > Blogs > Cheshire Cat Blog > 2012
back The Cheshire Cat Blog
25 December 2012
The Cheshire Cat's Christmas card

So this is Christmas?

The Cheshire Cat, stuffed with plum pudding,
makes a feeble attempt to put together a festive blog.

Q: Why is The Cheshire Cat Blog like a London bus?

A: Because you don't see one for ages, then two come at the same time.

Well, almost at the same time. It has been a while since more than one Cheshire Cat Blog has appeared in the same month, and some may see this extra December edition as a pathetic attempt to make up for the lack of blogs during 2012. They could have a point.

And we end the year, predictably, as we started it - with a Christmassy after-taste.

Anyone who has enjoyed the dubious pleasures of a traditional British Christmas will be familiar not only with the BBC service of Carols and Lessons from King's College, Cambridge, the Queen's speech, the surfeit of Brussels sprouts, the bickering relatives, the "unexpected" gifts of socks (again) and of course the dreaded Christmas cracker jokes.

Having pulled your cracker, donned your festive paper hat, puzzled at the plastic cracker toy (where do they get those things?), you can then enjoy the obligatory Yuletide reading of the cracker jokes. These are inevitably question-and-answer gags, the answer being a feeble pun, totally unintelligible to non-native speakers of English, and usually untranslatable, if not downright unspeakable. If you have so far missed out on this essential annual ritual, here are a few gems of the Great British Christmas cracker humour. You lucky, lucky people.

Q: Who is never hungry at Christmas?

A: The turkey - he's always stuffed.

Q: How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

A: Deep pan, crisp and even.

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

A: Dam!

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A: A fsh.

Q: What kind of pants do clouds wear?

A: Thunderwear.

Q: What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

A: A carrot.

Q: Why are cemeteries so noisy?

A: Because of all the coffin.

Q: Why did the bacon laugh?

A: Because the egg cracked a yolk.

Q: What do ghosts wear on rainy days?

A: Khaghouls.

And an all-time favourite:

Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: A newspaper.


Seasons greetings in various languages

Armenian: Շնորհավոր Ամանոր և Սուրբ Ծնունդ

Bulgarian: Честита Коледа!

French: Joyeux Noël

German: Fröhliche Weihnachten

Greek: Καλά Χριστούγεννα

Italian: Buon Natale

Japanese: 明けましておめでとうございます

Spanish: ¡Feliz Navidad!

Turkish: İyi seneler / Yeni yılınız kutlu olsun (Happy New Year)

Welsh: Nadolig llawen

Ok, that's your lot. We think you have suffered enough.
Once you've recovered from this onslaught of cringeworthy
wit, we hope you can still enjoy your holiday.

A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
from all the toilers at the MFP treadmill.
The Cheshire Cat's Christmas card © David John

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