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My Favourite Planet > Blogs > Edwin Drood's Column > December 2014 |
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Edwin Drood's Column |
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18 December 2014 |
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In which Edwin exercises his lyrical muse and his better than average set of pipes in praise
of international coalitions, sanctions, etc., all to the tune of “God rest ye merry, Gentlemen”. |
God rest you merry, Euronauts, let nothing you dismay
For seldom are we cosseted as we are on this day By wonders of technology we can’t use anyway If Putin our pipeline doth destroy Reprobate boy If Vladimir our pipeline doth destroy
In SuperVlad, their hero those Russians do delight So having empty supermarkets serves them bloody right If they’d respect their borders we’d all sleep well at night
Ah, methinks he just does it to annoy Petulant boy Little Vladimir just does it to annoy
Berlin, Paris, Warsaw propose a conference: “The European Parliament is sitting on the fence We have to talk to Vladimir before things get too tense
But be careful what language we employ (He’s a sensitive boy) So be careful what language we employ”
The US and their allies have NATO much in mind They’d like to see it strong enough to pay Vlad back in kind We might not act so docile with the Baltic States confined
So he’d best not his bullies there deploy Cantankerous boy Yes, he’d best not his bullies there deploy
Come one and all; sing praises of supra-national might We hit him with our sanctions and now they start to bite His ruble is devalued, his capital in flight
He will learn that the world is not his toy Truculent boy He must learn that the world is not his toy
Now, finally we see that we’re strategically unstuck We tried to use our sanctions as a way to pass the buck For though his people suffer, Putin doesn’t give a f**k
Vlad tidings of brute force bring him joy Belligerent boy Vlad tidings of brute force bring him joy!
© Edwin Drood, December 2014
Illustration: Detail from "The vacant plate", satirical illustration
by John S. Pughe (1870-1909). Published in Puck magazine, November 1903. |
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