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My Favourite Planet > Blogs > Edwin Drood's Column > December 2014
back Edwin Drood's Column
18 December 2014
A Christmas Carol by the Mysterious Edwin Drood
In which Edwin exercises his lyrical muse and his better than average set of pipes in praise
of international coalitions, sanctions, etc., all to the tune of “God rest ye merry, Gentlemen”.
God rest you merry, Euronauts, let nothing you dismay
For seldom are we cosseted as we are on this day
By wonders of technology we can’t use anyway
If Putin our pipeline doth destroy
Reprobate boy
If Vladimir our pipeline doth destroy

In SuperVlad, their hero those Russians do delight
So having empty supermarkets serves them bloody right
If they’d respect their borders we’d all sleep well at night
Ah, methinks he just does it to annoy
Petulant boy
Little Vladimir just does it to annoy

Berlin, Paris, Warsaw propose a conference:
“The European Parliament is sitting on the fence
We have to talk to Vladimir before things get too tense
But be careful what language we employ
(He’s a sensitive boy)
So be careful what language we employ”

The US and their allies have NATO much in mind
They’d like to see it strong enough to pay Vlad back in kind
We might not act so docile with the Baltic States confined
So he’d best not his bullies there deploy
Cantankerous boy
Yes, he’d best not his bullies there deploy

Come one and all; sing praises of supra-national might
We hit him with our sanctions and now they start to bite
His ruble is devalued, his capital in flight
He will learn that the world is not his toy
Truculent boy
He must learn that the world is not his toy

Now, finally we see that we’re strategically unstuck
We tried to use our sanctions as a way to pass the buck
For though his people suffer, Putin doesn’t give a f**k
Vlad tidings of brute force bring him joy
Belligerent boy
Vlad tidings of brute force bring him joy!

© Edwin Drood, December 2014

Illustration: Detail from "The vacant plate", satirical illustration
by John S. Pughe (1870-1909). Published in Puck magazine, November 1903.
A Christmas Carol at the Mysterious Edwin Drood's Column
Edwin Drood's Column, the blog by The Mysterious Edwin Drood,

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